Shikamaru Gets a Lava Lamp
by Pancake Mix
Summary: Oneshot. the king of spacing out is given a lava lamp by Temari, with unexpected, and disastrous, results. Rated T for slight language.


Hello all! I've been thinking, and my next "Big Fic" will be a Death Note equivalent to my last fic, i.e. "The Death Note Cast Yell at the Fandom". However, I need to brush up and re-read the entire Death Note Manga, which will take time. Until then, I'll bang out oneshot's like this!

Oh, and YES, I support Shikamaru and Temari as a relationship. XP What? I can be opinionated AND impartial about the same subject! THE GLORIOUS POWER OF AD/HD SURGES WITHIN ME!

Lee: You mean "Youth", right?

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Temari finally arrived at Konohagakure, the Hidden Leaf Village. Considering how much help the Leaf Village had been, rescuing her little brother from Akatsuki, for example, she decided to convey her thanks to the Hokage in person. As was customary when giving thanks, she brought a small gift for those who had helped her most, namely Tsunade and Shikamaru. She was stumped what to give them both, until a particularly helpful Naruto mentioned Tsunade's gambling addiction. Much to Shizune's dismay, Temari ended up giving her a desk slot-machine. (AU: I own one of these, they're real!). While it DID keep the Hokage at her desk more, it actually wound up DECREASING her productivity. As for Shikamaru…well, Temari had no idea. He'd often acted as her guide, so she felt obligated to repay the kindness, especially since she was well aware of how lazy he was.

'What to get, what to get…' Temari muttered under her breath, needing something both cheap and effective. She'd SEEN the mountain of Shougi boards Shikamaru had, they actually were used to build an extension of his room at the Nara Household. So strategic games were out.

In his own words, How Troublesome.

Temari walked through town, having the basic layout in mind, eventually arriving at the market district. She looked and looked, until she saw…The Lava Lamp.

"Perfect." A slow grin crawled up Temari's face.

Much later, At the Nara Household, She presented Shikamaru the box, unwrapped not out of lack of care, but for the fact she was unsure whether or not Shikamaru would find unwrapping the box too much effort. "For me? I didn't know you cared…" Shikamaru sarcastically smirked. (Say that 5 times fast!)

"Just open it! Or is THAT too much work? I should have gotten you a motivational poster!" Temari countered.

Shikamaru accepted the gift, knowing an argument would go nowhere, and opened it. "What's this?"

"Plug it in and see for yourself, _baka_!" Temari stated, starting to leave.

"Oh, you're going so soon? I'm so hurt."

"Shut up…"

Once Temari left, Shikamaru didn't bother reading the instructions. "Geeze, these things are for idiots. What's so hard to grasp about 'screw bulb in bottom, place lamp on bulb, place cap on lamp, plug into wall'? Troublesome lawsuits, I bet…"

Several minutes of looking through his room for an available outlet later, Shikamaru gazed at his new possesion. "It's not doing anything."

….

"It's STILL not doing anything."

…..

"Is it broken? How troublesome…" Shikamaru sighed. He suddenly realized why the bottom of the lamp read "Only heat with bulb, do not expose to fire elemental jutsu!". The thing was very slow. Shikamaru was patient normally, but having to wait 20 minutes while staring at a dimly lit glass cone with wax on the inside was slightly less interesting then watching clouds go by. Clouds actually MOVED, for one. At last though, the wax inside began roiling and moving up……then down. Up…..down……up…..down…..

Shikamaru was absolutely captivated. And it GLOWED. Like…it was glowy, it moved, it changed shape….Shikamaru could, and would, stare at it for hours.

A whole night passed by.

"Shika-kun! Time for breakfast!" Shikamaru's mother called up.

Time passed.

"**SHIKAMARU, I AM NOT YELLING AGAIN, GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!"** Suddenly, it was obvious where Shikamaru's dislike for women came from. Hell, 20 feet under ground, 5 miles away from the house, HIDAN could hear a shout of that volume.

"DAMN that bitch has some lungs!"

More time passed. "FINE, YOU DON'T GET A SINGLE EGG, YOU HEAR ME!?" Mrs. Nara shouted. Once Lunch and Dinner passed though, she got worried.

"Shikamaru? Are you….okay?" She softly said as she climbed the stairs to his room. "Shikamaru?" She then noticed the glow coming out from under his door. "Shika-" Her words were cut off when she saw that Shikamaru was just staring ahead. Blankly. Not moving an inch. And judging from the river of drool running next to her, Shikamaru hadn't even swallowed half the time. "Shikamaru?! Are you okay?"

Shikamaru didn't move a muscle or say a word.

Mrs. Nara immediately unplugged the Lava Lamp, and just as soon as she did, Shikamaru snapped out of it.

"Awwww….I liked it."

"YOU HAVEN'T EATEN! GET IN THE KITCHEN RIGHT NOW YOUNG MAN!" She began hitting Shikamaru with a broom, sheparding him into the kitchen for some food, throwing the Lava Lamp into the trash as she went.

Several days later, Shikamaru snuck into the marketing district, and bought 3 Lava Lamps for himself. Eyebrow twitching, Shikamaru silently snuck up into his room, plugged them in, waited, and was awash in the glowing glory.

Mrs. Nara caught on once again, and this time smashed the lamps against her son's wall, and declared them not allowed in her house.

And so, weeks passed. Shikamaru tried to forget the lamps, but the clouds weren't enough for him anymore. He remembred the soft, inviting glow they cast around his whole room, how they moved infinitely and with endless grace, and how they were warm to the touch. Shikamaru couldn't take it anymore. He bought more lamps, went to Chouji's house, and spent 3 hours in heaven…..until Mrs. Akimichi, having been warned by Mrs. Nara, threw the lava lamps out a window, and told Mrs. Nara all about what she caught Shikamaru doing. BOY did he get yelled at. And so, before he knew it, he'd spent all his money on Lava Lamps and was watching them at Naruto's house. Naruto didn't have any family to rat him out, after all!

"Errr…Shikamaru? Why are you just staring at them, dattebayo?"

"SSSSHHHHHHH…..THEY'RE MY DEAREST…" Said a wild-eyed Shikamaru.

"EEEEEEEEK! SAKURA-CHAN, SHIKAMARU'S LOST HIS MIND!" screamed Naruto, running all the way to Sakura's house. She was NOT AMUSED to have Naruto suddenly jump through her open window, but she'd heard rumors, and as a medic-nin, she knew what addictions were. And so, after much threatening from Sakura, Ino, and his mother, Shikamaru was sent….THERE.

"Hi, My name is Shikamaru Nara, and I have a problem…"

"HI SHIKAMARU..." Came a monotone drone from the audience.

"I'm addicted to Lava Lamps."

The crowd stared silently. THAT was a new one…

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I need to work on my endings…Oh well. A random Idea popped into my head, and this was the crack addicted baby of it.


End file.
